From Jay Leno
Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Thursday night, "According to Playboy, in a Playboy poll of college women, 57% of college women would cheat on their boyfriend with Angelina Jolie. 20% would cheat with Britney Spears, and 12% of women would sleep with Paris Hilton. Here's my question -- where the hell is this college?"

Sidenote: I think this college is called Clinton High School

Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Friday night, "According to In Touch magazine, Jessica Simpson may drop her last name and may just be called Jessica. When asked if her husband Nick Lachey would do the same thing, she said, 'Why would he want to be called Jessica?'"

Bless her


You Might Be Britney's Baby if.....

If when you're born, even the placenta has a mullet

If your stroller is already out in the yard on cinderblocks

If someone asked your mom, "Hey, you want to buy a Lay-Z-Boy?" And she says, "I already got one, my husband."

If your dad works almost every day. And by that I mean almost Monday, almost Tuesday, almost Wednesday.

If when you were born the doctor slapped your dad and said "get a job"


New Guinness World Record

A man just broke the world "couch potato" record for the most hours spent watching TV. He watched TV for 70 consecutive hours as part of a Guinness Book of Records week on "Live with Regis and Kelly". The record-breaker could only watch ABC. Rules for the couch potato honor, as stipulated by Guinness, allow for a 5-minute break every hour and a 15-minute break every 8 hours. The viewer must otherwise be constantly looking at the screen. The record breaker, who lives in Toronto but hails from Sri Lanka, now holds more than 16 Guinness records, including the longest duration balancing on one foot (76 hours, 40 minutes) and bowling for 100 hours. He does it, he says, to raise awareness of suffering children.

So I might need to make a call to Guinness. I think I have broken this couch potato record on multiple occasions; however, I would not be able to watch ABC for that long. I can only handle Kelly Ripa for two minutes. After that, I have to go throw up and take an advil. What gets me are the TV marathons. I know other people who are guilty of this, but if a Real World/Road Rules Challenge marathon comes on, I drop EVERYTHING. I will cancel anything and everything to hear Katie call Veronica a "zit faced, JLO wannabe". I wonder if there is a record for most consecutive hours of watching showchoir tapes, because I think I would have that record as well. So whats up with this guy saying he breaks all these records to raise awareness of suffering children? Does balancing on one foot for 76 hours or watching TV for 70 hours really make people aware of suffering children? If watching TV makes people aware of suffering children, then just call me Sally Struthers because I help children all day every day.

Its A Boy!

Congrats to Brit and I guess Kevin on welcoming little Preston into the world! You know that girl has already smoked a pack of cigs!

In other news, I'm going to bite the bullet and get the senior pics back up stat...so stay tuned!

Gah We Care About Electricity

Hello wonderful and faithful readers. I hope this post finds all of you in great spirits. I must apologize for my absence, but I assure you it was all Trina's fault. I know I've been teasing you with senior portraits, but alas, this is another teaser. Let's just say, Dude, I shouldn't have gotten a Dell. More on that as it becomes available.
Now...first, a great big shout out and congrats to our gal, CHANDRA!!! That girl is expecting! Let's hope her pregnancy is not as long as Brit's, which at last count was 39 months long and still going. Best wishes for Chandra, Whore-hay, and little Katrina (if its a girl) or Katriner (if its a boy). Amy, you and Jay better step it up.
As some of you may know, we've sublet our house to some storm refugees for the next 2 months, so I have relocated to Petal, and without the convenience of cable internet...so posts will not be as often as one might expect. My mom will not leave me alone (that's right...I'm back at home, bitches!) so I need to go take my lithium so I don't kill her. Or at least maim her.
Have a blessed day, children.

Britney Update

Does Britney have a name for her baby?
Conan O'Brien joked during his Late Night monologue on Tuesday night, "Britney Spears is in the news. In a recent interview, Britney Spears' husband, Kevin Federline said he wants to name their baby 'Vegas' because it's his favorite place. Yeah, which means their second child will be named 'Couch.'"

Britney gives up Fritos?
Talk about pre-birth jitters! As BRITNEY SPEARS exited a Malibu market with kid sis JAMIE LYNN, says a source, the ready-to-pop pop tart started to pop a Frito corn chip into her mouth — then stared at it, eyes bulging and body trembling! "What's wrong?" asked Jamie Lynn. Wailed Britney, "Everything is wrong! Look at this Frito... it's shaped like a TWO-HEADED BABY! This is a sign... an omen!" Jamie Lynn tried to calm her, but Britney was inconsolable until sis snapped, "You're creeping me out — and actually, it looks more like a heart than anything else!" Britney flung the chip down, crushed it under her flip-flop and sighed, "No more Fritos until this baby is born!"

Is Brit a chub?
Britney Spears has reportedly gained a massive 51 pounds during her pregnancy. .
The singer, who is expecting her first child with husband Kevin Federline, has been spotted looking increasingly heavier in recent months but now sources claim the weight gain is out of hand.
Britney, who due to give birth later this month , has gone from an estimated 119lbs to a massive 170lbs and her team are now worried she won't be able to get back into shape after the baby, rumoured to be a boy, is born.

Back to business

So we have had a small bump in the road. Many of you may be unaware that a hurricane hit the southeastern US. Due to the hurricane, many people were left without power. I had many people staying at my house, so I was unable to post. Kevin may still not have power. On a serious note, I have many relatives on the coast. My uncle and his family are now homeless. The other day he was standing in line for a meal at the Red Cross. That has to be very humbling for a bank president to be standing in line at the Red Cross for a meal. Many people have asked what they can do. I have been telling everybody to donate to the Red Cross. It is a great organization that will put to good use any possible donation you could give.

For some reason, I can't post pictures from my home computer. I'll have to post pictures next time I'm at somebody else's house. I also know that Kevin has many senior portraits ready to post, but they are on his computer and I don't know if he has power.

Sit tight, more posts will come.

That Bitch

Sorry for the delay in updates, but I came into contact with a certain bitch named Katrina, so posts will be a while coming. So Sorry.